Am I Getting Fired?
A new client recently told me about something that should have been a simple, positive interaction.
A manager asked an employee to lunch - a casual, one-on-one conversation meant to connect and build trust.
Instead of feeling honored or excited, the employee panicked. They assumed they were about to be fired.
Why?
Because in that company’s culture, managers rarely spend one-on-one time with employees unless something is wrong. And when a culture is built on fear, even a positive gesture can trigger anxiety.
How Fear-Based Cultures Form
Cultures like this don’t happen overnight. They often grow out of:
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Lack of communication - Leaders only talk to employees when there’s a problem.
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Reactive leadership - Feedback is primarily negative, given only when mistakes happen.
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Absence of relationship-building - Little to no intentional connection between leaders and team members.
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Past experiences - Employees have learned, over time, that being “singled out” usually ends badly.
In these environments, even good intentions can be misinterpreted because there’s no track record of trust.
Why This Matters
When employees are afraid of their leaders:
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Innovation slows down. People won’t take risks or suggest new ideas.
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Morale drops. People disengage emotionally from the work.
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Turnover increases. High performers often leave first.
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Simple actions, like inviting someone to lunch, become high-stress events.
A healthy culture is one where employees expect the best, not fear the worst.
How to Fix It
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Normalize Positive One-on-Ones
Meet with people regularly, not just when there’s an issue. Use these meetings to learn about their goals, challenges, and ideas. -
Give Balanced Feedback
Don’t wait for mistakes to give feedback. Catch people doing things right and recognize them on the spot...and do this often! -
Lead With Transparency
If you’re inviting someone to lunch, tell them why. “I’d love to get to know you better” removes uncertainty. -
Be Consistent
Culture shifts happen through repeated, predictable behavior. Over time, employees will stop associating your attention with trouble. -
Train Leaders to Connect
Equip managers with tools for active listening, empathy, and open-ended questions. Relationship-building is a skill, not a personality trait.
The Takeaway
If an employee assumes bad news when you reach out, you don’t just have a communication problem, you have a culture problem.
The fix isn’t just one lunch. It’s a consistent, intentional effort to replace fear with trust.
When leaders invest in regular, positive connections, lunch becomes just lunch...and that’s when your culture starts to heal.
Ryan Giles
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